Perchance to Dream
by Lizicia
Summary: Dreams are said to be representations of what we fear most or what we want most and Fiona Glenanne knows the difference by heart.


**A/N: This is my first Burn Notice fanfic. I just got into this and seeing that this fandom is not too explored here, I had to write something.**

**As always, I own nothing but my imagination. The title stems from Hamlet's monologue (by Shakespeare) and serves as a nice motto as well: _To die to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub, for in that sleep of death what dreams may come..._**

**Teeny-tiny spoilers for _Hot Spot_, _Long Way Back_ and _Good Intentions_.**

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Fiona Glenanne is not scared of anything. She can handle gunfire, explosions, all kinds of sticky and possibly life-threatening situations; she mostly causes them herself. She thrives on adrenaline, on the feeling she gets when she blows something up, when it's not a safe and stable situation.

There is nothing in the world that can scare her – unless it strikes her at night.

She would never say it out loud to anyone but she is afraid of the night because night means sleeping and sleeping brings about a lot she doesn't like. If there's one thing she can't handle perfectly, it's dreams.

Dreams are said to be representations of what we fear most or what we want most and Fiona knows the difference by heart.

Her secret fears find their way into her reality at night and she could name them all, without having to think about it. There are certain scenarios you never forget and even if you push them under the radar, away from all sight, they have a nasty habit of catching up with you and making you see them over and over again.

There are dreams about Ireland and they are never safe or sound. Fiona dreams of Claire when she least wants to, when she least expects to and the scene never changes. They have a fight over a stupid, meaningless thing, she runs out and Fiona is left fuming. She makes bread pudding and knows it's not going to be the perfect dessert but it's Claire's favourite and she's making an effort for her sister and smiles as she's waiting her home. And then Sean storms through the door and there is so much blood on his shirt and he looks her in the eye and Fiona knows Claire is never coming back.

And sometimes, in the rarest of times, right after Carlos forced the words out of her, Fiona dreams of Claire on the street and sees the soldier take aim and shoot her and she wants to run, wants to warn her but her feet are glued to the ground, there is no voice leaving her and Claire dies.

There are dreams about a burning house with no doors or windows and she gets the same suffocating feeling of no escape as she did when she walked into that booby-trapped house. It quickly changes to another scenario in Michael's loft when he walks toward her and she sees that haunted look on his face, the look that says he had her for dead and it breaks her heart every time. That's when she knew he would never let her die and she sticks to that feeling instead of waiting for his confessions of love.

There are dreams where she's floating in the ocean, feeling like drowning, feeling the sting of a wound in her shoulder and she cries out in her head for Michael. And while she acts tough and untouched when he's caring for her, she feels a swelling in her chest every time she sees his face again in the dreams, sees the frantic fear in his eyes and knows he killed Strickler for her.

Sometimes there are dreams of Michael disappearing and never returning and she always wakes up with a start and a burning desire to call him, to make sure he is still there. She ignores that feeling until it dies out and tells herself Michael is okay, Michael is alive, Michael has not left and repeats the mantra until she can believe it or until morning arrives and she can go see for herself.

Those are the dreams of her fears and they wake her in the middle of the night, they make her keep two guns under her pillow instead of just the one. They are just nightmares and she knows it and they don't make her cry because they always disappear.

There is one dream Fiona Glenanne dreads more than all the rest combined. In this dream, there is a beautiful white house with a backyard and the sign on the mailbox that says "Westens' residence". There is a little girl with bluish-green eyes and raven hair who runs through the house, laughing as her father chases her and there is a little boy with a fair Irish complexion and a fondness for his mother singing to him. There are no guns, no life-threatening situations and instead of clients and plans and burn notices, there are movie nights and family dinners by the table and picnics in the park. And a man – _the_ man – she loves so much who calls her _Fi_ when he holds her close and she closes her eyes and sighs out _Michael_.

That dream wakes her with a start and she has tears in her eyes and more often than not she cries and never goes back to sleep again. Seeing what she fears in her dreams makes her heart race but it always ends. Seeing what she desires most makes her heart break into little pieces, makes her wish things were different but they never could be.

The worst things your dreams can show you are the things you can never have.

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**A/N: Counting on you to review and make me happy.**


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